Heres to the extinction of my heart.
You know that saying “Curiosity killed the cat” ? This is a perfect moment to imply it to me. I hate the fact that i cant sleep. I wish i was asleep right now. I got on fb and noticed that my first love had just commented on something. And shes never on. SO i clicked it out of curiosity. Turns out shes pregnant and due on the 11th. My heart was completely crushed the moment i read that. And now ive been crying my ass of for an hour straight. Fuck im crying right now. And i dont know why. I just cant stop crying. Bad shit always happens to me. And im tired of it. Im tired of this happening to me. Im tired of caring so much about things that arent even important. I over think everything. And i cant do this anymore. I cant take this anymore. I hit my breaking point. Im beyond rock bottom. Im a walking corpse.
I want to lay here curled up in a little ball and never move again. I want to know why i couldnt be everything she ever wanted. Why im just not good enough for someone to decide to stick the fuck around. Fuck society and that stereotypical bullshit of what beauty is. I have so much to give and no one will take it. And im fed up. Im just freaking fed up. I want to stop crying. I want to stop having this shadow of depression that sneaks up on me when i least expect it. All i want is someone who will lay with me under the stars and will hold my hand. Someone who will talk to me the entire time while we stare up at the moon and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Someone who wont leave. Someone who wont just walk out on me. Someone real. Someone, anyone. Someone who wont hurt me this much. But thats too much to ask for. And time is my worst enemy. I guess i really am better off alone. You cant get hurt if youre alone. </3